Caring for Single Moms
A MINISTRY TOOL KIT FOR CHURCHES
What would it look like if every single mom was seen, loved, and supported?
Launch a deeply impactful ministry for the single moms in your church and your community. At its core, this ministry is about creating grace-filled, gospel-centered communities where single moms find hope, healing, and wholeness.
It starts with community, rooted in Jesus, seeking to holistically support each mom’s spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational needs so that she can confidently care for and lead her family.
MINISTRY PARTNER
Not Alone Ministries
Founded in 2021, Not Alone Ministries partners with local churches to create communities for single moms to find hope, healing, and wholeness.
The model is not about quick fixes. It is about a long-term, grace-filled, gospel-centered community that is present on the darkest of days and the most hope-filled moments. Through this approach, Not Alone has seen incredible transformation in the lives of many women.
As part of our partnership, and in addition to these resources below, Not Alone is willing to walk alongside your church to provide additional training, consulting, and tools to help you love the single moms in your community.
VISION
We have seen hope and joy return to single mamas who have walked the darkest paths. We have heard laughter and conversation filling homes and coffee shops. We have witnessed God move in impossible situations. We have seen communities of mamas draw close and rally around each other, pray for, and support each other. We have seen transformation and changed trajectories in the lives of single mamas and their children. In short, we have seen God at work.
Our vision is to help churches to create communities for single moms to find hope, healing, and wholeness. Our passion is that every single mom would feel seen, loved, and supported.
The research is clear that single moms and their children face significant obstacles to flourishing, making up the largest group of people below the poverty line in the US. The majority of these moms and children are incredibly vulnerable and falling further behind in life outcomes. However, the research is also clear that through social support groups and targeted tangible support, these life outcomes can be reversed and overcome.
DATA & STATS
Never Married
Divorced
Living in Poverty
Have College Degree
Source: US Census Bureau www.singlemotherguide.com
STORIES
Pray. Discern. Is God calling you to consider forming a community for single moms?
Learn. What is the need in your church? In your community? Sit down and have coffee with several single moms. Listen to their stories.
Gather. Pull together a small group of people with hearts for single moms.
Plan. Think through the details. Who will play what roles? When and where will you meet? Who will set up childcare? What will your focus be?
Invite. How do you announce small groups at church? Personally invite single moms to join.
Launch. Kick off your first meeting. Be amazed when God shows up!
Support. Think through next steps and how your church can come around and support this group of single moms.
HOW TO DO IT
BEST PRACTICES
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If you simply identify one single person to lead this community, the health of the group will rise and fall on the health of the leader.
Early on, a great church designated a leader to support single moms. Unfortunately, after about six months she got overwhelmed and backed out. The entire ministry at that church then collapsed.
When you create a small leadership team, everyone can share in the work. Some will engage directly with single moms, others will provide support, discernment, and guidance. -
Many of single moms are navigating very difficult circumstances. Many are reeling and experiencing trauma. It can be tempting to see a single mom as a project.
Please resist the urge to change her. Like all of us, each mom needs tremendous amounts of grace and love rooted in the gospel. Her greatest need is to feel seen, loved, and supported... and always pointed back to the author of her story.
We have found that, in time, healthy communities create healthy cultures that lead to healthy perspectives and healthy behaviors. We focus on the health of the leader and culture first. -
We have learned the most critical aspect of our communities is childcare; without it, single moms cannot attend gatherings! Not only that, we intentionally find babysitters who love children and will be a nurturing presence.
Often this requires funding. Engage your church for support here and secondarily engage Not Alone if you are having difficulties.
Note: You must follow your church's child protection policies regarding childcare. We take a very cautious approach to ensure child safety!
Note: Many of our children are experiencing trauma. When possible, we provide light awareness to our childcare workers (often teen girls) of trauma and how to be a safe place for the kids! -
There is nothing as good for the soul as laughter and amazing shared memories! Are there one or two events each year you can offer or create for your moms?
One of our churches has created a "self-care" night where single moms gather for an evening of pampering with dinner, massages, haircuts, facials, and more. It has become the highlight of the year for many.Other events include family hikes, Easter Egg hunts, pool parties, park picnics, etc.
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In addition to community, there is typically also a need for tangible support. Many of our moms live on extremely tight budgets and are at significant risk when financial shocks occur.
At the same time, we have to be wise to balance our desire to provide relief and not create dependency. This is a huge topic we develop more fully in training.
It is important to ensure you have a clear plan for these situations before they occur so the process is well thought-out and not based solely on emotion. Don't worry, we're here to help you with this! -
While not essential immediately, over time it is helpful to build relationships with different local ministries and support organizations.
Do you have an organization that provides rent and/or utilities assistance? Do you have a high-dignity food pantry? What types of city or county services are available?
Do you have a trusted marriage and family lawyer in your congregation (or community) willing to offer free initial consultations and/or discounted rates?
Do you have counseling services you can offer?
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Attract single moms, but do not chase them. This advice can be hard, but we have learned the most involved and engaged moms join when they are ready. Simply put, chasing people to join our communities does not result in commitment and investment. We demonstrate love, acceptance, and an open door.
We have multiple examples of moms sitting in the "periphery" of our communities for a year or more with little to no real engagement. Then, when ready, she reaches out again, and engages deeply. -
The title of "single mom" often carries with it a stigma of shame and inferiority. It comes partly from personal hurt, but much comes from culture; and sadly, more comes from very rigid (even well-meaning) churches that prioritize performance before grace and gospel. We understand this is delicate theology.
Because of this stigma, we position ourselves from a place of grace and welcoming. There can be many reasons a mom is single, including divorce, separation, abuse, death, and some mamas were never married at all. The most stigmatized churches will sometimes offer help for widows but ignore the needs of the mom who is single because of divorce, for example. At Not Alone, the reason for being single does not impact our love and support for her.We are careful in our language, and must not over-group or stereotype our moms. We try not to use "us vs. them" thinking or language when possible. In short, we are mindful and do our best to communicate loveand dignity in our posture and language.
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We have found that the power of this program is community. Healthy communities are those where deep relationships form between the moms for prayer, encouragement, fun, and support.
One way to facilitate this is to create a chat group for the moms. Text, WhatsApp, and GroupMe are the most popular tools for quick messages, and Facebook groups work well too. It's not uncommon for 50 messages or more on some days!
Note: We do not recommend males or "monitors" to be part of these communication groups. They should be safe places for the moms to engage and support each other and "do life" together.
Note: "Official" communication such as events and group opportunities often also go out via email or more formal channels that may have a larger support audience attached. -
What picture comes to mind when you think of a single mom? Do you imagine a specific socio-economic demographic? Do you envision a particular life story and set of circumstances?
We did! We made so many assumptions as to what being a single mom was like. We have found that while there are often some common themes, the realities are so different. Nearly every week there is a new circumstance we've never encountered before.
The reality is everyone has a "hard." Our goal is to listen, learn, and love. We ask good questions and don't assume what was helpful for one mom will be helpful for another. -
We're all guilty of it. We use insider language and lingo. We share coffee mug verses as easy answers to complex issues. We unconsciously think faith is a formula and if we simply do x, y, and z everything will be great.
We have found our moms deeply appreciate attentive listening, authenticity, less advice, and more love. The ability to "sit shiva" in deep lament is viewed as a gift. We understand that God is writing her story and He is guiding her through it.
If you have not experienced deep pain and brokenness, be extra careful and sensitive in how you engage those who are in the pit. There is a type of wisdom that only comes after walking through a dark night of the soul. -
No one can do everything. Everyone can do something.
A big vision is amazing! A single step forward is better. We too would love to see a large thriving ministry in your church. We'd also love to see your first mom loved.
Start small. Then grow as God brings volunteers, resources, and moms your way.
TIPS & ADVICE
GET OTHERS INVOLVED
International Anglican Church selects several moms as part of their summer VBS program for Middle and High Schoolers and provides service projects for a week. Yard work, cleaning, light home projects, etc.
Life.Church has a small group that prepares meals for moms. They created a menu so that a mom can select several meals she and her children like.
Woodman Valley Chapel has a Christmas “store” every December. Volunteers gather items throughout the year and they have moms to purchase new gifts and presents at very discounted prices to both bless them and ensure dignity.
Family of Christ parishioners sponsored the children of several single moms for Christmas.
A number of churches care deeply about single moms but don’t feel called to start a community, or are not closely connected to many single moms. Instead, churches can donate directly to Not Alone Ministries or another single moms ministry in your community.
Create a Culture of Care. Regardless of whether you have a designated community or ministry for single moms, you can still create a culture of care for those in need. Encourage your church to shovel snow, mow a yard, share a meal, and simply love your neighbors!
Examples of how churches have involved their congregations to support single moms
Wendy’s Domestic Abuse
Journey on the
”Arise to Freedom” Podcast
Not Alone Ministries
Print Brochure
Single Mom Ministry
Theory of Change
Youth Service
Project Ideas
Featured Article
Single Moms Ministry
Instigate Magazine
Single Mom Church Ministry Guide
FAQ’S
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Rarely is it the size of the church that matters. Often it is the size of the vision and the calling. Small churches can make big differences. Here's how:
+Create a community for single moms and invite women from your town. You've just grown your church!
+Partner with a larger church in town.
+Intentionally encourage and support the single moms you already know.
+"Sponsor" a single mom community through prayer and financial support. -
We love that you said "when" not "if." If you are supporting single moms, things already ARE messy! The real questions are: when will a mom feel safe enough to share her messy, and when her messy will flare!
The good news is that you do not need to know all the answers to legal, domestic, financial, custodial, and emotional issues – or any others that you might face.
Start with care, validate her reality, and reach out to Not Alone who can provide support.. Start with care, validate her reality, and reach out to Not Alone who can provide support. -
Every group looks a bit different and takes on the attributes of both the leader and supporting church. Most groups have three core elements: food, study/discussion, childcare.
Some groups meet in homes, some meet in churches, some meet in McDonalds. There is a lot of flexibility.
Most of our groups have some element of a Bible study or discussion. However, we usually seek to make these "low barrier to entry" type of groups where women from different places of faith and experience can participate and feel welcome.
For more, please read the Church Guide -
This is a wonderful philosophical and theological question. We'll answer it practically and from experience.
Often, single moms feel ostrasized from church and faith communities. For many, a welcoming small group of other women who have had similar experiences is their first step back towards Jesus and church.
Over time, we have found that many of our moms, when safe and healing, begin to volunteer in other church ministries, participate in other church communities and integrate back into the larger church life. -
We are deeply grateful for the committed fathers who are the primary caregivers for their children. They make up about 1.5% of families in the United States.
Our calling is to the single moms who make up more than 16% of families in the US. We applaud and support those with a calling to walk alongside and encourage single dads.
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In many ways that depends on you, how you set up the community, and your vision for it.
A thriving community costs about $7,500.00 per year to support. This includes two small group gatherings each month (with food and child care), financial grants to moms (usually 10% of moms need this), counseling support, birthday and Christmas gifts, and a larger event or two each year.
A strong group has between 6-10 moms and we tend to average about 2 children per mom. Averaged out, the ministry costs about $250-$300 per year per participant. A small investment for such large outcomes.
Need more help? Have a suggestion for this tool kit?
We’d love to connect with you!
Send us an email and someone from our team will get back to you!
